I have done a lot of talking this week and a lot of thinking. I have found out who my true friends are (you know who you are<3nomatterthedistance) and have learned not to rely on anyone. I know that all I do is give, give, give, and I am okay with it, as long as I focus on myself sometimes too. I am going to change things here. I have decided to stop feeling guilty for spending money. I am going to be wise with it, but I am still going to do things that I know will make me happy, even if they cost me a few euros. I am going to get out of here and see new things. Tomorrow, I am going to Lucca with Gabby, Mackenzie, and Theresa. I want to make a connection with the people here, but if I can't, I'm still going to do things on my own. I am eager to come home, but I want to do as much as I can while I am here. I have lived my life for other people for too long. Now, I am going to live it for myself and make the best of it.
For a little update:
-Wednesday we went to the Uffizi Museum with Chris in place of both of our classes. It was awesome just to finally set foot in that place. It's not exactly up my alley art wise, but you can literally feel the history seeping through the walls. We barely saw even a small portion of the museum and I will probably go back because they have some Rembrandts which I would really love to see.
- Thursday we went to the Bargello Museum for art history. It is just down the street from our apartment. This museum was actually very interesting. It is mostly sculpture (or what we saw of it was) and having a very informed tour guide (our teacher) really helps. The stories behind each sculpture were amazing.
- After the museum I went out with Gabby and Mackenzie to buy a new pair of headphones because mine broke. On the way, we found a place that sells ice coffee (which is fairly rare here).
- We left pretty late for our second class so we had to basically run there, but when we got to Santa Croce there was a huge fair going on. It looked awesome, so after class we walked around. There was tons of food and booths selling random but interesting things. I bought some souvenirs for my friends back home and a pair of really comfy slippers for myself.
- After chilling in the apartment for a little, Mackenzie and I decided to go out to dinner because we just wanted to get out and do something fun instead of staying in like we always do. We tried a new Mexican restaurant which was a very interesting experience. It wasn't very good but they gave us free sangria and tequila shots so needless to say we left content and pretty tipsy. We headed home and grabbed some snacks and alchohol on the way, then spent the rest of the night in the apartment with a few others just hanging out and drinking.
- I skyped with my brother and his girlfriend for quite a while which was awesome because I miss them so so so much! Ky & Emm <3 you are the best! I also skyped with Steph who made me feel really good about the things I was stressing about back home, and assured me that she would be there when I get back. I can't wait to see her :) We also skyped with Sean for a little while, because everyone here misses him already. It was good to see him safe at home and happy.
- Today we slept late and basically did nothing. But we decided that 3 nights a week, we are going to have dinner together. We formed pairs and each pair has one night to cook and one night to do the dishes. Hopefully this will make us closer and more appreciative of each other. It seems like things may be turning around.
To those who feel that I would be better off at home: screw you. I have no room for people who do not support me or believe in me, or people who bring me down. If you don't know that this is about you, you are simply an idiot.
To those who think that they may have a hand in my unhappiness, you do not. The world is a harsh place, and sometimes living in it just flat out makes me sad. But in general, I am happy, and I want to be here. If I seem negative to you, it is because I have chosen you to confide in. Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on, and I'm sorry if you were the wrong people for that. But know that I am okay and I am stronger for being here.
To those who have constantly shown me nothing but support, thank you. You know how much it means and how much I appreciate it. I am confident that we will be friends (or family) forever.
To those who have turned down my requests for help, I do not need you, and I am better off without you. Thank you for showing your true colors before I got too attached.
Every little thing, is gonna be alright<3
Ciao!
"Caught in a cold sweat, stuck splitting hairs
I'm drinking too much; I'm on my way to striking out
Go to sleep with the pressure of everyone
Watching and waiting, they're yours for the taking
But I still have my doubts.
Before you ask which way to go
Remember where you've been
Stay awake; get a grip and get out, you're safe
From the weight of the world, just take
A second to set things straight
I'll be fine, even though I'm not always right
I can count on the sun to shine
Dedication takes a lifetime
But dreams only last for a night"
- ATL
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